im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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