Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
This is the high leading the old right now
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
