he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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