Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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