She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
