oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
