My balls are so social today.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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