This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
