She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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