1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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