were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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