i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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