If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
