Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
