the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
