Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
