Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
