I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
