my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
