My Higher Power is John Stamos
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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