dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize