I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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