I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
