U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
