My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
