Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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