yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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