Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
