Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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