dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize