i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
