Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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