so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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