I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
