i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
