Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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