and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
