looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
