the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
