so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
