I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
