Quick, to the slutcave!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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