If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
