then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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