You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
