I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
