I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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