I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
