I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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