Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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