I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
