I can't watch pbs sober anymore
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Hello my rib-scented angel!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
