using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
