Got a toothbrush?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Is it because I queefed?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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