Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
