And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
