standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
