i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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