State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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