Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
