my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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