just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
where are my eyebrows?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
