As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
