Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
