So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
