Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Randomize
