I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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