I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
